Fear is Gray

Have you ever found yourself afraid of something and no matter how much logic was spoken to it or how much you dealt with it, it never really went away? So often we think of fear as black or white. You are afraid or not afraid. The fear is what it presents itself as, nothing hidden.

When I was a kid, I found myself afraid of so many things. I would hear and see things in my room and around my room at night. Often I was too afraid to sleep. When I did sleep I would have nightmares. I was afraid of being weak, physically and emotionally. We tried to explain every fear away, but none of the explanations worked, so I continued to fear.

The explanations never worked because we never got to the root of any of the issues.

Leaves of Fire

I love fall. I love everything about it; I love the apple cider, pumpkin everything, the color of the leaves, the smell of the wind. It’s almost always the perfect temperature outside. Jeans and hoodies make a fashion comeback, what’s not to love?

It’s also the most abrupt change of seasons. One day, everything is green and lush, and the next all the trees have turned to beautiful colors of fire. Blink and you’ve missed your opportunity to hike through the nature trails to enjoy the colors. Even with winter, the cold temperatures ease into the eventual snow, and it eases out. I realize that doesn’t always hold true in the midwest, but that is typically the norm.

We all go through seasons; some are hard and unyielding like winter during the polar vortex. Some seasons bring a relief, a beckoning to return to the outside like spring does. Some seasons are full of busyness that overtakes us like those summer vacation months. Then there are the seasons that see you preparing for something, trying to savor the last bits of something you’re not sure of, like fall.

ABC For You And Me

I wanted to do something different today, something fun. What’s more fun than hearing my inner thoughts?

A to Z Survey

A – Age: 33.

B – Biggest Fear: Missing it. Failing my kids.

C – Clock: 12:09 AM.

D – Drink You Had Last: Water; technically salt water, but I didn’t swallow that.

Writer Beware

I’ve thought long and hard about writing this post, as you can see from my two week absence. For part of that, however, I was recovering from the removal of four wisdom teeth. By recovering, I totally mean milking it. Hey, don’t judge me. When I see an opportunity for a break I’m taking it. I used that break to formulate a post about the publishing experience my mom and I had with our cookbook.

A vanity press is a publishing company that requires payment from an author to publish their book as well as little to no selection criteria. A solid publisher won’t require payment to publish your work; your book is supposed to make the money. They’re also going to be particular about what they choose for that reason.

Our “publishing company” was able to dodge that label (vanity press) by calling the $3990 requirement a marketing retainer. It was supposed to go towards a team that would actively promote our work.  They also wrote on their page and in initial e-mails that they were selective with acceptances. Keep this in mind as you read on.

Momster Mash

I’ve finally figured out the scariest Halloween costume. We don’t practice Halloween in our house, but I’ve always kind of wondered (in a back-of-my-mind, never-really-thought-about, detached kind of way) what it would be. I’m sure no one has actually realized the genius (or crazy) this costume requires. It’s not a zombie. It’s not a goblin. It’s not a toddler given too much candy.

It’s a Mom at home away from public view.

2016 A Scary Year to Be Alive

This will be my only (not a guarantee or promise, just something I’ll strive for) political post in this election season.

I try not to post on social media about the election because I don’t have the energy to fight with people over the internet. I’ll talk in person with anyone, but I feel like sometimes the internet affords people the benefit of being stupider without repercussions. It also makes people misinterpret bravery or boldness as attacking or demeaning or dehumanizing everyone. That’s not my bag; I’m not into that. Then, as I thought about tonight’s debate, I realized not talking about the candidates and not talking about platforms is contributing to wasted votes.

I Did Whole30 And I Won

I’ll admit, part of why I did Whole3o was to see if I could actually do it.  Call it a diet, a lifestyle or whatever you want, but let’s call a spade a spade here; it’s a challenge. Not only in the “I bet you could never do it without cheating,” aspect, but also whether or not it works. Does it actually make any noticeable difference? Is it sensible for a mother and family? Mostly it was the dare of it all, but the other aspects were certainly important, especially after seeing my body’s response.

Never Forget

2001, oh man what a year that was! It was the year I graduated high school. I remember laughing with the girl next to me through all of it, even though we didn’t get along for four years. We only remembered seeing maybe half the people who walked the stage, so we mocked and joked about that for hours.

The Day Every Mother Loves to Hate

Here I sit on a Tuesday night thoroughly exhausted and unable to have a coherent thought after my oldest’s first day of school. I sent my first child to her first day of first grade; there’s something I’ll never be able to say again.

The exhaustion is more mental than physical, I’m sure. I mean, yes, I forgot about all the pesky BTS shopping until yesterday (we had just gotten back from a week long vacation, don’t judge) so we spent hours frantically walking around trying to get the perfect items. Yes, I probably did get everything on the list (including the teacher’s wish list) in an effort to not be one of those moms. And yes, I did stay up way too late manually sharpening 50 number two pencils, eventually popping the burn blister on my index finger. I have to say, I don’t think saving those extra pennies on non sharpened pencils (or an electric sharpener) was worth it. I still can’t feel every part of that finger.

Get Her a Cape

Mothers are a wonder. They’re a work in progress like the rest of humanity, but they’re a wonder nonetheless. Have you ever watched them with their families? I don’t mean in a creepy, call the cops and get a restraining order kind of way; I mean a casual observance. It’s one of my favorite things to do. I like people watching, but there’s something about seeing a mother be a mother that’s stirring.