Fear is Gray

Have you ever found yourself afraid of something and no matter how much logic was spoken to it or how much you dealt with it, it never really went away? So often we think of fear as black or white. You are afraid or not afraid. The fear is what it presents itself as, nothing hidden.

When I was a kid, I found myself afraid of so many things. I would hear and see things in my room and around my room at night. Often I was too afraid to sleep. When I did sleep I would have nightmares. I was afraid of being weak, physically and emotionally. We tried to explain every fear away, but none of the explanations worked, so I continued to fear.

The explanations never worked because we never got to the root of any of the issues.

Continue reading “Fear is Gray”

Leaves of Fire

I love fall. I love everything about it; I love the apple cider, pumpkin everything, the color of the leaves, the smell of the wind. It’s almost always the perfect temperature outside. Jeans and hoodies make a fashion comeback, what’s not to love?

It’s also the most abrupt change of seasons. One day, everything is green and lush, and the next all the trees have turned to beautiful colors of fire. Blink and you’ve missed your opportunity to hike through the nature trails to enjoy the colors. Even with winter, the cold temperatures ease into the eventual snow, and it eases out. I realize that doesn’t always hold true in the midwest, but that is typically the norm.

We all go through seasons; some are hard and unyielding like winter during the polar vortex. Some seasons bring a relief, a beckoning to return to the outside like spring does. Some seasons are full of busyness that overtakes us like those summer vacation months. Then there are the seasons that see you preparing for something, trying to savor the last bits of something you’re not sure of, like fall.

Continue reading “Leaves of Fire”

ABC For You And Me

I wanted to do something different today, something fun. What’s more fun than hearing my inner thoughts?

A to Z Survey

A – Age: 33.

B – Biggest Fear: Missing it. Failing my kids.

C – Clock: 12:09 AM.

D – Drink You Had Last: Water; technically salt water, but I didn’t swallow that. Continue reading “ABC For You And Me”

Never Forget

2001, oh man what a year that was! It was the year I graduated high school. I remember laughing with the girl next to me through all of it, even though we didn’t get along for four years. We only remembered seeing maybe half the people who walked the stage, so we mocked and joked about that for hours.

1930762_539019359127_4051_n Continue reading “Never Forget”

It’s Time

As I watch the Olympics (my favorite competition to watch, possibly ever) and have my first cup of coffee at 7 PM (I stayed away from coffee for 4 days, I’m due), I’m going to write something that’s been on my heart.

Sunday is just about the only morning of the week my bathroom counter is graced with my meager makeup offerings. It’s one of the few days I’ll be around a large group of people at once. Today they were spread on the counter too, but I had to make an attempt to improve my driver’s license picture; picture taking is an exception. Sunday is also one of the few days I make an attempt to dress up. Of course dressing up means pairing a dress shirt with my everyday shorts, but still.

As I was doing my makeup and picking my outfit for church, I started thinking about the impression I’m leaving on others around me; about how much (or little) I’m a witness to anyone. Do I conform to my surroundings, or do I stand on my faith? Am I a light, or do I blend with the dark? Continue reading “It’s Time”

You matter.

Of course you know that I intend this blog to be more about the sarcastic, lighthearted side of life, but sometimes I have to do more than that.  Sometimes I realize that we live in a fallen world with fallen people who make horrific decisions.  Sometimes there are things that happen that cause me to feel my social obligation to be a voice.

Here’s the thing.  I am a Christian woman. I have been a Christian woman for over a decade, but I’ve seen very close and intimate images of the other side.  Because of these two facts, I tend to view things a little differently than some others.  I haven’t read my Bible like I should, and I haven’t been on my best emotional and mental game of late.  That’s what, for me, makes it hard to decide exactly what to say.

I’ll start with this: how old you are, what your denomination is, your sexual orientation, your politics, your family or the color of your skin do not determine whether or not you have value. The most basic and important and vital detail of human life is that you matter.  Age, sexual orientation, religion, race, none of that determines your worth because you are already worth something. You were created by a God who loves endlessly; you matter deeply to Him, and you matter to me. Continue reading “You matter.”

Those things I was never going to do.

I’m waiting for my toddler to stop screaming “I won” from her crib (35 minutes now), knowing all the other things I should be doing (like all the clean laundry I’ll have to redry because it’s been sitting in a massive pile for 2 days), gladly choosing to write to you instead.  It could be worse; I could be sitting on the couch watching Divergent for the 30th time stuffing my face with chips. Continue reading “Those things I was never going to do.”

Mirror, mirror……You got me.

I don’t know about you, but I have an interesting relationship with mirrors.  There are some days when we are best friends and those, of course, are the days when it tells me how thin, beautiful, kind and level-headed I am.  There are other days when all I want to do is hurt it.  I imagine doing something like throwing my hand into it or putting a sheet over it.

I’m realizing, lately, that the problem I have isn’t really with a reflective inanimate object.  To be honest, I would have preferred that problem to the one I actually have: the problem with myself.   I’m getting deep here – metaphorical and real mirrors, people.  Am I alone in this?

The worse my attitude is the less appealing my body appears to me.  It’s not something I ever thought to put together.  There are days when I wake up well rested-ish (I was going to say well rested, but that doesn’t really happen to parents), I have my coffee in hand and it’s drunk while still hot, my face is good and clear, my kids aren’t fighting and I get to work on time.  On those days, it’s a pretty good bet I’m going to feel and act great for most of the day.   Now, if my coffee spills, or my kids are stressing me out, or work has gotten away from me,  my attitude shifts and BAM; there goes everyone’s day.

It gets worse if my good fitting pants are in the wash and the only shirts I have left are loose and/or ratty. Those are the moments that I know the world is ending. Continue reading “Mirror, mirror……You got me.”

Death is not permitted here.

I have been thinking a lot about Asklepion this past week.  In my defense, we had a great message about it in church last Sunday.

Asklepion was the “healing” center in Pergamum.  Pergamum was the city that held the “seat of satan,” and one of the churches that John wrote to in the book of Revelations.  I’m not going to go into detail about Pergamum, but there was a concept that hit me.
(for some more info on Pergamum and Asklepion here is a great article on CBN’s site.) Continue reading “Death is not permitted here.”

You might be a parent if…..

1.   Someone asks you if you know the name to that song, but all of your guesses involve Daniel Tiger or the ABCs.  Remember when you used to know the title of every song and artist on the radio?  Luckily you still know those songs.  Unluckily, they are no longer in vogue.  I get a lot of, “Who is that?  Never heard of them.”  The only new songs you know are sung by children and/or animals.  Fake animals.  You aren’t that far removed.  I hope. Continue reading “You might be a parent if…..”