The Parent Games

Being home alone with two young kids who aren’t allowed to watch anything but the Olympics for its duration is bound to inspire. If you think about it, there’s not much difference between being a parent and being an Olympian.

Whether Olympian or parent, some days really are about who is faster and/or stronger. Both feel the bewilderment of being ahead right up to the very end when victory is taken out from underneath them. Both require constant training, although, parents have you beat time wise, Olympians.

You get the gist – we’re almost the same. The girls and I love the Olympics so much that we were talking about trying to get in the 2020 games. To do that, we need some family friendly games and we think we’ve come up with a pretty good list.

  1. Balance Eating
    “Mom, my special skill will be eating on the balance beam. I’m going to show them how good I can do that. I’ll get lots of points.” I have a feeling I can edge my 6 YO out of gold placement. This event would have so many variables. SAHM and SAHD categories would have to be separate; we’d need to eat all the leftovers from the kid’s event like every other day. To place, the kids would have to eat at least half their food and in all categories, plates would have to be held and eaten off of by the competitor. Good luck 2 YO.
  2. Volume Trials
    All competitors can choose any method they want, but the goal is to break the register of sound. My 2 YO’s specialty would be the no scream. My 6 YO’s specialty would be a toss up between the no scream (though her sister could probably beat her there) or crying when an electronic device has been taken from her. Mine would be the stop scream. It’s best used prior to 2 YO and 6 YO’s turns.

    Feet so fast they’re a blur while she screams.
  3. Jammy Stay
    The term “jammy” must be present. Parents (and so children) are mentally incapable of calling them anything else. This is to see how long someone (or a team) can stay in jammies. Obviously there’ll be a team event and an all around. I’m feeling fairly confident in my ability to get gold in both categories. My 2 YO simply changes into several pairs of jammies all day long (which may deduct points, but she’s still in jammies, so not out), and my 6 YO refuses to wear clothes unless leaving the house (that is her jammy outfit). I recently trained very hard for this event by changing into jammies at 9 PM Thursday and keeping them on until 10 AM Saturday. It. Was. Glorious.
  4. Jump Up
    This event will use the gymnastic trampoline. It will also need a very precise camera angle. Each person competing will walk up to the trampoline and jump. That’s it. The winner is who jumps the highest. I don’t know the exact rules, but isn’t there some sort of Olympic committee that can determine them?
  5. Pick Out
    This is just like pig out, only the exact opposite. The goal here is to see how many plates of food it takes before it’s eaten unprompted. This would involve Mom or Dad making plates of food for the kids. Only one child can compete at a time; they heavily influence any child “eating” with them. Kids are ranked from highest plate number to lowest. Cooks are ranked from lowest to highest plate count. It would have to be set up like volleyball: quarterfinals to semifinals to finals to winner.
  6. Sneak It
    This would have to be set up like volleyball also. The idea is to retrieve a hidden (from kids) snack and proceed to eat it in that location before a kid comes to ask if they can have what you’re having. The adult must leave from whatever room the kids are in and they must eat it in whatever location they retrieved it. Beware those snacks wrapped in plastic; the kids can hear those from around the block. Also, anything too chocolatey; children are born with a specific skill that allows them to smell it from a great distance. At Grandma’s house two hours away? “Gram, I gotta go, Mom’s eating my chocolate.” This event will have you open several different kinds of hidden gems before you’re ranked. Kids will be ranked higher the quicker they find the adults and adults will be ranked higher the longer they stay hid.
  7. All Night
    This one is very simple: get the kids to sleep. Use any method you can think of. Each method will get you points; higher points with creativity. If you fall asleep propped against the crib or bed holding their hand, it still counts as long as the child is sleeping. If you have to army crawl out of the room, that counts. A good method that will get you a lot of points is leaving the room switching quickly from slow creep backwards (to avoid creaks) to Ninja quick movements (a drop to the floor or a blend into a wall).DSC_1652

There you have it, Olympic committee, seven new events for Tokyo 2020. On the off chance you are unable to incorporate these, us parents (and kids) will be sure to keep up our training, knowing someday we’ll get that gold.

Have I missed any games?

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