Fear is Gray

Have you ever found yourself afraid of something and no matter how much logic was spoken to it or how much you dealt with it, it never really went away? So often we think of fear as black or white. You are afraid or not afraid. The fear is what it presents itself as, nothing hidden.

When I was a kid, I found myself afraid of so many things. I would hear and see things in my room and around my room at night. Often I was too afraid to sleep. When I did sleep I would have nightmares. I was afraid of being weak, physically and emotionally. We tried to explain every fear away, but none of the explanations worked, so I continued to fear.

The explanations never worked because we never got to the root of any of the issues.

Continue reading “Fear is Gray”

It’s Time

As I watch the Olympics (my favorite competition to watch, possibly ever) and have my first cup of coffee at 7 PM (I stayed away from coffee for 4 days, I’m due), I’m going to write something that’s been on my heart.

Sunday is just about the only morning of the week my bathroom counter is graced with my meager makeup offerings. It’s one of the few days I’ll be around a large group of people at once. Today they were spread on the counter too, but I had to make an attempt to improve my driver’s license picture; picture taking is an exception. Sunday is also one of the few days I make an attempt to dress up. Of course dressing up means pairing a dress shirt with my everyday shorts, but still.

As I was doing my makeup and picking my outfit for church, I started thinking about the impression I’m leaving on others around me; about how much (or little) I’m a witness to anyone. Do I conform to my surroundings, or do I stand on my faith? Am I a light, or do I blend with the dark? Continue reading “It’s Time”

I Stand With You

A good friend sent me a text last night, randomly asking me how I was. I didn’t feel up to the task of answering then because I didn’t think it’d be an accurate portrayal. I have this nasty habit of letting my circumstances or things happening around me determine my attitude (last night was bad). It’s a legitimate and real issue.

After writing my last post, I choose joy, I felt convicted about my attitude. I’ve been yelling a lot lately, and I don’t mean typical stress parenting. I mean an inexcusable unfair amount. It is because of stress, but it doesn’t have to be my response. After last night (which, seriously, was so bad), I was filled with guilt and sadness. Continue reading “I Stand With You”