I realize, as I usually do, that it has been quite some time since I last posted here. Since then I’ve moved to a different state, I’ve gained a job, left two jobs and in the end made a very marked career change.
For a while I was writing for an online syndication, but I just couldn’t bring myself to write articles on celebrity gossip. Good job being a celebrity, but I don’t care what you wore to the airport or whose hand you were holding last night at that new club opening. I do want you to keep bringing me entertainment, just don’t make me write about your personal life – I only want to read about it. Joke. Mostly.
I also left my job with a dear friend and dear company that I had since my first daughter was born (give or take a year). It was bittersweet, and they were good to me, but it would have been really hard to do from a different state.
I am still writing mostly because I can’t imagine not doing it; I love it and have no desire to stop. However, the career change I spoke of was to go from paying jobs to a SAHM position. It’s an intern position. You know, get someone their coffee (usually it’s bringing it to the microwave and back 30 times a day), pick up someone’s laundry (from the dryer and then fold and put away), watch someone’s kids (mine – watch my kids, do you not see the pattern?), and I don’t get paid. Being a stay at home mom (SAHM) I do, however, learn much.
For instance, I learned where my youngest gets all of her yelling/temper issues from. Whoops. I also learned that sweets really are a mom’s best friend; I thought you were all exaggerating! Also, closets don’t work for hiding – they will find you every time. Nap time should be treated as a hostile hostage situation : “I will give you anything! Make your demands and they are yours as long as you give me one hour – one hour – of no screaming. Anything; dear, God, ANYTHING.” It’s why we no longer have nap time in our house, but quiet time.
You might be surprised to know, or if you are a SAHM maybe not, that I started this blog on Wednesday. It’s Friday. I even took pictures and made sure the angle was just right. I also had a heaping bowl of gluten-filled chocolate goodness to help me through. I am lacking that today. Now, I could say that I had two pieces on the plate because I wasn’t sure which side was the top, but I didn’t have that excuse yesterday. It would have worked had I finished this two days ago. My only current excuse is that it gives my heart the happy.
I also learned that my kids love me. They love me a lot. They love me even when I am screaming at them. They love me even when I demand they be obedient and stop fighting. I ended my night in tears last night because all I could think was that I was no good at this SAHM thing. I mean, yeah, I was essentially that before, except I took my youngest to work with me. The difference between then and now is that I had adult stimulation and conversation. I don’t get that now. I get in my own head – I get to have conversations with myself. Not only does that make me borderline crazy, but I’m not always pleasant.
So after I watched my husband read the bedtime story (that’s usually my job) to my girls and I tried not to cry, the most amazing thing happened. My oldest told me that she forgave me and my youngest ran to my lap to hug and hold me. They didn’t complain behind my back about how terrible I was. They didn’t tell all their friends not to talk to me. They didn’t decide that they were going to have nothing more to do with the horrible monster in the mom mask.
They loved me. They showed me love.
Surely there’s something I could take away from this that’s super profound, but all I can come up with is it’s so much simpler to love and forgive, and tomorrow is a new day.
That’s become my motto in these times of change for our family. Tomorrow is a new day. His grace is new every morning. I can make different choices tomorrow. In that moment, though, I held my girls, said goodnight, ate some gluten filled desserty goodness and fell asleep reading Pride and Prejudice fan fiction. Because sometimes you just have to do what it takes to regroup.
That’s what this career change has taught me. These times, these phases are temporary. Their love and chocolate and grace are never ending. Chew on that. Only, go get your own. I suspect my chocolate is spoken for and will be gone before the sun sets.
Here’s to regular blog posts and an end to children fighting, or at least me not tearing all my hair out.