ABC For You And Me

I wanted to do something different today, something fun. What’s more fun than hearing my inner thoughts?

A to Z Survey

A – Age: 33.

B – Biggest Fear: Missing it. Failing my kids.

C – Clock: 12:09 AM.

D – Drink You Had Last: Water; technically salt water, but I didn’t swallow that. Continue reading “ABC For You And Me”

My open apology.

To my husband:

I’m sorry I wear moderately dirty clothes over and over again to avoid another load of laundry, leaving them even dirtier and giving you dirtier clothes to wear on repeat. To be fair, I do love putting clothes in the washer; it smells awesome. That’s noticeable by the numerous times I rewash, even if I only rewash because I forgot to transfer to the dryer for too long. I just really need the only pair of shorts that fit to be available at all times.

I’m sorry when I do do (ha, do do) laundry the clean clothes sit in a basket for a week waiting for me to redry them and let them sit for another week. Nope; I don’t even have a valid explanation. I just really hate folding and putting away clothes. Next career change, you’ll need a job that calls for slightly rumpled, possibly damp, moderately clean clothes. Continue reading “My open apology.”

The real image of parenting.

Too often I talk about the hardships and frustrations parents face, but parenthood is filled with as many moments of joy and frivolity as anything else; I want a written remembrance of this. I want my kids to know I told the world of the blessing they are. In those frequent moments of self doubt I want something tangible to prove myself wrong. I’m a paradox. Because I’m a paradox, I find it easier to draw parallels. I also really enjoy the letter P. Continue reading “The real image of parenting.”

It didn’t take long to become a failure.

At this point in my life I’m a pretty sarcastic person. I think I’m hilarious. Hysterical, even. A riot. See what I did there? I’m can also be seen as a cocky person, but it’s always sarcastically cocky. There are a few who think I’m sincerely cocky. A few who think I feel I’m better than most. There are a few who think I’m judgmental, probably because my sarcasm as viewed as something truthful instead of the joke it was intended to be.  Or maybe I do something else to offend them.  I really don’t know.

No matter what people are saying or thinking about me, it’s got nothing on what I feel for myself. We’re the hardest on ourselves, aren’t we?  If you’ve read my last post, you know how I’ve struggled with hatred toward myself.  I may not have said it explicitly, but the hatred was usually for me.  Even now, I find a lot of things about myself that I associate with failure. Like it’s just part of who I am – a failure. Continue reading “It didn’t take long to become a failure.”

They were meant to be courageous….And so much more.

Did you know that today is a holiday?  Well, technically not.  Much like mother’s day, if I haven’t gone to sleep yet I’m counting it.  It’s even celebrated in 59 countries.  I know that because I looked it up on Wikipedia and everything on Wikipedia is 1000% truth. Continue reading “They were meant to be courageous….And so much more.”

Marriage is a work in progress.

Marriage is beautiful.  It’s rainbows and sunshine.  It’s simple.  It’s very cut and dry.  Getting married  automatically instills open communication in the two people getting married.  It causes the two people to be so changed as to become perfection in the relationship.  It’s angels singing and endless smiles.

I’m sorry.

Give me a minute.

Gotta control the laughter and catch my breath.

If these are lines anyone has every fed you, they are so very misguided.  Sure, those are all partial truths, but not complete truths.  Marriage is beautiful, but not for the reasons listed above.  Parts of it are simple (and cut and dry) but we are complex in nature, joining with another person is bound to be complex as well.  The open communication comes with hard work – a lot of hard work.  Marriage changes us, yes, but not always in the way that we think.  There are moments – so many moments – when it seems like everything is perfect and you swear you can hear angels singing, but those are moments to look for and try to attain.  They aren’t constant and they aren’t necessarily the norm. Continue reading “Marriage is a work in progress.”

Shades of something.

I’m sure that it wouldn’t take much for you to figure out what this post is about.  I mean, everyone and their brother has written about it; their brother, their brother’s friend, the friend’s cousin, the cousin’s sister, the sister’s mom – you get the picture.

In the interest of full disclosure I need to preface this by saying that I didn’t do any sort of in-depth research on the subject.  I have watched interviews with the author and cast of the movie.  I’ve read excerpts from the book and clips from the movie.  I’ve read articles for and against the books and movie(s).  I’ve talked to friends who both like and dislike the series.

What I see a lot of is people saying that it’s a love story.  A tale of two people who meet and fall so madly in love that it hurts to be apart.  How romantic it is to have these consensual relations that gratify a person (yes, that was meant to be singular).  An instance of a woman allowing this man to have a relationship in his brokenness – how brave, how courageous of her. Continue reading “Shades of something.”

Freedom! Sort of.

I am officially the mother of a preschool graduate.  I have a whole lot of emotions about this (sadness, pride, joy), but I think the one that stands out the most is excitement.  There are some parents that may dread summer break (maybe once my kids are older I’ll hit that point), but not me.  Summer break means not having to wake up at the crack of dawn to get my tired preschooler ready and out the door 20 minutes late.  Yeah, I said 20 minutes late.

Friday was a normal day off from school, but since my husband woke up with the girls, I’m counting it as day 1 of summer vacay.  Yes, vacay; this break is turning me into a tween.  I laid in bed until 11 AM.  11 AM, people!  It. Was. Glorious.    I have this beautiful vision of waking up at 10 every morning to the birds tweeting and my children singing love songs to me.  I felt so great getting up.  Then I realized how much my body hurt from the awkward position I laid in for so long.  But, hey, that’s not bad – I was in bed until 11 AM.  11 AM; if I stop saying it, it’ll become more like a dream. Continue reading “Freedom! Sort of.”

Let’s talk about sex.

That’s probably going to be the most popular tag line I’ve ever come up with; that can be both good and bad.  Obviously I can’t get that stupid, horrible song out of my head now, which is bad.  The bad could also be that you saw the tag line and clicked on it for all the wrong reasons.  Of course, the good is that no matter the reason for clicking on it, you will actually read what I have to say (hopefully – I don’t just write to hear myself……..write…?). Continue reading “Let’s talk about sex.”

Motherhood is rose-ish.

Beauty.  Excitement.  Joy.  Inspiring.  Love – endless and incomprehensible.  Learning.  Changing.  Tears.  Overwhelming.  Fear.  Anxiety.  Sadness.  Hard.  Hardships.  Defeat.

My children are currently 4.5 (almost 5 – gasp!) and 1.5, and yet all of those words (and more) are words that I would use to describe motherhood.  I have had the privilege to experience every one of those emotions and/or bodily functions.  Maybe, since this is about motherhood, poo should have been mentioned up there somewhere; it’s not like we can ever get away from it.

When I see newly married couples in the afterglow of a fresh night’s sleep and basking in their unwavering attention and love for each other I feel two things: happy and jealous.  Happy because I remember those days, and I remember them fondly.  I wouldn’t begrudge anyone that feeling.  Jealous because I would really, really like a full night’s sleep.  The other stuff I still have.  I mean, that love and attention is buried a little, but I still have it.  What I don’t have is sleep.  I miss it.  When these couples ask about motherhood and say, “We just can’t wait to start a family,” I see that rosy hue to their eyes.  I remember how I thought it would be. Continue reading “Motherhood is rose-ish.”