Beauty. Excitement. Joy. Inspiring. Love – endless and incomprehensible. Learning. Changing. Tears. Overwhelming. Fear. Anxiety. Sadness. Hard. Hardships. Defeat.
My children are currently 4.5 (almost 5 – gasp!) and 1.5, and yet all of those words (and more) are words that I would use to describe motherhood. I have had the privilege to experience every one of those emotions and/or bodily functions. Maybe, since this is about motherhood, poo should have been mentioned up there somewhere; it’s not like we can ever get away from it.
When I see newly married couples in the afterglow of a fresh night’s sleep and basking in their unwavering attention and love for each other I feel two things: happy and jealous. Happy because I remember those days, and I remember them fondly. I wouldn’t begrudge anyone that feeling. Jealous because I would really, really like a full night’s sleep. The other stuff I still have. I mean, that love and attention is buried a little, but I still have it. What I don’t have is sleep. I miss it. When these couples ask about motherhood and say, “We just can’t wait to start a family,” I see that rosy hue to their eyes. I remember how I thought it would be. Continue reading “Motherhood is rose-ish.”
Today, friends, I was that mom. I was the mom that went through the store while her toddler screamed. My preschooler calmly sat next to her minding her business, playing on the Nexus (hey, don’t judge – at least that one wasn’t screaming, right?). Me? What was I doing? I had one hand on her while I laughed. I suppose to the unknown observer it may have seemed callous; some of those “unknown” observers let me know what they thought of that. She wasn’t screaming the whole time – I even had her laughing – but she wavered between joy and pure freak out. Yeah, you know the one.
Walking into the store was a trial, but you know what we decided? We decided that getting food into our sparse pantry/fridge was more important than causing a scene. Sure, we could have turned around and left one adult at home with the tyrant toddler, but who wants to take that bullet? I didn’t, I’ll tell you that right now. That was actually the reason that we were out as a family. My husband and I kept leaving the other alone with the girls and the cart to go grab something that we “forgot.” I am thinking now that it wasn’t an accident. Continue reading “That Mom.”
I want to talk about mistakes.
I want to talk about grace and forgiveness and about coming as you are.
Show of hands how many of you have made mistakes in the past few days? You may not be able to see it, but I have both hands up in the air. Oh, wait, wait; both legs are raised up too. Take today for instance. Today we had some potential buyers coming to look at our house, smack dab in the middle of nap time. It was just myself and the two little ones, so I thought, “Hey, why not skip nap and take them to Dairy Queen? That’ll be a nice treat for them.” Today was a day for thinking fancifully. Allow me to boil it down for you: a 1.5 year old and a 4.5 year old up since 7:30 AM, no nap, one parent, going to the only ice cream shop in town on a Friday just as the high school and middle school day (that are located a block from the DQ) comes to an end.
That, my friends, was a mistake. A big one. Continue reading “99 Problems.”
Apparently, today is April Fool’s day. Am I the only person that never notices when that day is here? What I do know is that it’s a Wednesday. I know that we are exactly halfway through my 4 YO’s spring break. As I slam my 10 oz of It Works greens (that I’ve had ready to go since I made my morning coffee) at 10 at night, as my 4 YO is still randomly shouting from her bed for me (while trying to convince me that she is, in fact, sleeping) and I have only gotten to page 97 of my book’s corrected proof, I find that it is both bitter and sweet. It has been so nice to spend this time with her. To share in some firsts with her and give her special treatment – what kid on vacation doesn’t want special treatments and activities? Heck, I still want that when it’s the weekend. *Hey, hun, can I go sleep over at Tiffany’s? Her husband said it was okay!* *Followed by the most un-hide-able panicked face my husband has ever made.* I miss all that time I got to spend with her before she started school. It’s probably why I’m at her school so much. I just miss her.
Along with all that sweet is the bitter. All the work that I didn’t get done yet promised I would. See, on St. Patrick’s day (it’s only fitting since I am Irish – among other things, but I don’t claim them very often, if ever) my mom and I officially became Tate Publishing’s newest authors. I come from a food-oriented family and my mom is the best cook I know. We decided to write a cookbook to fill our gluten free diet. I couldn’t write the cookbook without her. We teamed up, and it took us 3.5 years to sign with a publishing company and an additional 6 months (so 4 years total) to get the manuscript into our publisher. That happened in September. We are currently in the final phase (of 5), approving the proof.
We got the second proof back on Friday. Yeah, that Friday. Continue reading “Nobody’s fool”